Deception of the Self

Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting through a talk by Linda Rising, Ph.D., who talks about the Agile software development model and what it means to have correct estimates of one's own abilities and worth. What did I learn from it? Everyone lies to everyone, most of the time.

Lies are the glue that holds the fabric of society together. We must lie to keep ourselves together, to preserve friendships, relationships and good working environments. Telling everyone you meet that their breath stinks or that they are unhealthily obese is a surefire way to never advance in your career. But where does tact lie in all this? Surely, one can be tactful and yet not lie. Linda's definition of a lie being any deviation from the hard truth would negate any attempts at tact.

However, not everyone lies all the time. To quote her:

There are sub-groups of people who are brutally honest about the way the world is and about their own abilities. 


These people are also clinically depressed :( 


People who deceive are healthier and happier :)


This does not hold for sociopaths.

Now, this is beguiling. One is either clinically depressed or a sociopath (a marked personality disorder), if one does not lie incessantly. She has a point there. Not everyone can handle the truth. In the movie Johnny Got His Gun, Bill Bonham remarks to the son "I hear you son, but I've got troubles of my own. Nothing I have in this world is really any good, you know. My house is small, my job is small, my salary is also small.My son is small, so is my wife and to get right down to it, I'm no giant myself. Everything around me is small, inferior..."

Not many fathers would use that tone with their 5 year old son. Such refreshing honesty is unfortunately reserved for fiction. In real life, all we get is the bombast of misplaced parental expectations and projected realizations.

So maybe we shouldn't feel so bad about the tiny lies. Big whoppers are another story, but the small untruths seem to be fine. It seems we're hardwired for it, so just relax and let the glutinous fallacies flow.

Boy, that's some catch indeed.